I'm Alive - Xanadu (Track 6 of 10)

Aaron:

Attention: This post has content that might be unsuitable for young children, sensitive people, and pretty much anyone who values their sanity.

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There is something that has always bugged me. A little tiny, nagging uncomfortableness from my childhood. I've been able to keep it out of mind for a long time, but it's time to confront it. I'd like to present, for you consideration, a scene from the 1998 hit classic "The Rugrats Movie"






Ok, seriously. WHAT.THE.FUCK.

Why the hell does Didi have a fucking TYRANNOSAURUS REX in her vagina?! Was that Stonehenge and group of monkeys?! No wonder babies are crying when they're born, they have to pass through a fucking NIGHTMARE REALM! If I was Stu, I'd never have sex with her again because I'd be afraid of getting my dick poked off by the FUCKING SPHYNX.

Can you imagine the effect this scene had on a kid my age? No wonder I've always been slightly awkward around girls; they have THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IN THEIR SNATCH. I don't know about you, but to me, that's slightly intimidating.

Ethan:

A baby is a funny thing
All fat and soft and fine
I'm often quite amused by them
Especially if they're mine

I've found they are quite durable
Immune from wears and tears
I found this out the other day
When I dropped one down the stairs

A baby will eat anything
It will shove things in its mouth
But fear not, it can be found again
If you look a little south

They smile when they look at things
Watching with their eyes
Except for when "The View" is on
Then it only cries

I love my baby like a son
Which is just what he is
And if my wife would just get off her ass
I'd like a few more kids