I'm Alive - Xanadu (Track 6 of 10)

Aaron:

Attention: This post has content that might be unsuitable for young children, sensitive people, and pretty much anyone who values their sanity.

----------

There is something that has always bugged me. A little tiny, nagging uncomfortableness from my childhood. I've been able to keep it out of mind for a long time, but it's time to confront it. I'd like to present, for you consideration, a scene from the 1998 hit classic "The Rugrats Movie"






Ok, seriously. WHAT.THE.FUCK.

Why the hell does Didi have a fucking TYRANNOSAURUS REX in her vagina?! Was that Stonehenge and group of monkeys?! No wonder babies are crying when they're born, they have to pass through a fucking NIGHTMARE REALM! If I was Stu, I'd never have sex with her again because I'd be afraid of getting my dick poked off by the FUCKING SPHYNX.

Can you imagine the effect this scene had on a kid my age? No wonder I've always been slightly awkward around girls; they have THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IN THEIR SNATCH. I don't know about you, but to me, that's slightly intimidating.

Ethan:

A baby is a funny thing
All fat and soft and fine
I'm often quite amused by them
Especially if they're mine

I've found they are quite durable
Immune from wears and tears
I found this out the other day
When I dropped one down the stairs

A baby will eat anything
It will shove things in its mouth
But fear not, it can be found again
If you look a little south

They smile when they look at things
Watching with their eyes
Except for when "The View" is on
Then it only cries

I love my baby like a son
Which is just what he is
And if my wife would just get off her ass
I'd like a few more kids

Here is the News - Time (Track 10 of 16)

Aaron:

We interrupt these messages to bring you this breaking news!

Local complaints of News interruptions are reaching a record high! As news channels get more and more desperate for viewers, they have begun resulting to inserting random news updates during the airing of popular television shows. Viewers are not going to take this sitting down.
"I just want to watch Family Guy without having some pretentious news anchor in my face telling me some tragic story about Zimbabwe" says Chester Grondo, 33, of Forest Hills, North Dakota. "How can I enjoy myself when I'm being forced to know about so many depressing things?"

Looking a recent trends, it does not look like this surge of unwanted information has any intention of stopping. In the past year alone, over 100 shows have been interrupted prematurely. "If this rate continues, we can expect our television shows to be 20% commercials, 20% of the actual show, and 70% News Interuptions!" claims Wally Hotfoe, a scientist we happened to find on the street.

Obviously, this is a distressing situation. We'll be back after these 3 minutes of actual programing to report on even more inane crap!

Ethan:

After All - Secret Messages (Track 14 of 14)

Aaron:

I'm stranded.
I'm stranded in Outer Space.
The fucking inner-tube line broke.
or someone cut it.
I bet it was Carl.
That bastard.
Slowly spinning.
Fucking lack of friction.
Fucking Carl.
Maybe I'll hit an asteroid or something.
I doubt it.
Fucking infinite cosmos.
At least I have a few sandwiches...
which have Tuna in them.
These are not my sandwiches.
These are Carl's sandwiches.
Fucking Carl.

Ethan:

He was supposed to come back for the others.
To tell them whether it was safe to come out.
But the sky was so beautiful.
And the air was so crisp.
He could see why no one had come back before.

Julie Don't Live Here - Time (Track 16 of 16)

Aaron:

"Hello?"

"Hi. It's Me. We have a code red."

"Ummm....excuse me?"

"You have to come down to central immediately. We're all waiting for you."

"I think you have the wron..."

"This is a matter of life and death! We need to get the Omega Beam up and running within 24 hours or everyone on this planet will die. Stop fooling around!"

"Who is this?!"

"Wait...I am speaking to Julie, right?"

"No. She moved away a few months ago. Julie don't live here anymore."

"Shit"

"Yeah, sorry. I was trying to tell you."

"Ok, well.....I better be going then."

"Urr...you said something about the planet ending?"

"......You must have been hearing things. Sorry for troubling you."

"No, I'm pretty sure I heard you mention..."

CLICK

Ethan:

Baby I Apologize - ELO II (Track 7 of 9)

Aaron:

Waaaaah!! Waaaaah!!

It's your turn to check the baby, dear.

Waaaaah!! Waaaaah!!

It's your turn to check the dear, baby.

Waaaaah!! Waaaaah!!

It's your turn to wake the baby, baby.

Waaaaah!! Waaaaah!!

Turn, baby, Turn.

Waaaaah!! Waaaaah!!

Check the Czech. It's a baby.

Waaaaah!! Waaaaah!!

It's your turn to turn the deer, Czech.

Waaaaah!! Waaaaah!!

Oh, baby, baby.....

Waaaaaah!! Waaaaaaah!!

WAAAAAAH!! WAAAAAAAAHH!!

WAAA

Ethan:

"Mrs. Robinson?" The secretary looked up at the empty waiting room. Billy's mother slowly rose to her feet. "Now you wait right here, Billy." she said, " I'll be done in a bit, and then we'll go get some ice cream."

Billy watched his mother blankly, turning back to his toys before she finished speaking. He made airplane sounds as he moved his "Kermit the Frog" doll across the air. Buuuuurrrrrrooooowwwwww.

Mrs. Robinson sighed and followed the secretary out of the room.

Kermit flew through the air. The wind rushed against his cheeks. He was exhilarated. He made flips and turns and danced through the sky. He felt unleashed from all his earthly burdens.

Mrs. Robinson sat down across from the doctor. He explained to her that there was an experimental drug that could possibly offer a treatment for Billy. "It is very risky." he told Billy's mother.

Kermit looked down from above. Below him, the other toys stared up in amazement. How beautiful he was. How full of grace. They held their breath with each dive and turn he made.

Billy's mother exited the doctors office and spoke quietly with the secretary. She then walked up behind Billy and silently watched him play.

Kermit dived towards the ground and pulled up at the last moment. As he rocketed back up, a smile came upon his face. He felt free. He felt immortal.

Night in the City - Out of the Blue (Track 5 of 17)

Aaron:




Ethan:

Eldorado Finale - Eldorado (10 of 12)

Aaron:

Well, that's it! We're done! We've actually finished every single song that ELO has ever written! It's the finale! Hooray! YES! YES! YE...

What? We're not even close?

We have over 120 songs left?

Aw crap....

Ethan:

Poseidon lifts his mighty arms towards the sky as the flaming hail storm rains down upon earth. Beneath him, people and animals run for shelter to no avail. Many fall on their faces and pray to Zeus for mercy, but Zeus is dead, and Poseidon lends no mercy towards their pleas. He had lent none of them mercy. Not Zeus or Hera, Hades, or any of the others. They had all been unsuspecting, so full of themselves. Ever since he was regurgitated, he had been playing second fiddle. Zeus, that incestuous bastard, took his own sister as a wife, and ruled as king. What was he left with? The sea. He gives Hades all of the underworld. Heck, he even names the place after him! But what does Zeus give him? The sea. The goddamn sea. The least he could have done was let him have Aphrodite as a wife. But who does he give her to? Hephaestus. The retarded blacksmith. Asshole.

Poseidon lowers his arms. Beneath him the earth lays in ruin. Behind him, Mount Olympus burns in flames. Suddenly, he feels very tired and old.