Twilight - Time (Track 2 of 16)

Aaron:

GIANT ROBOTS KILL THOUSANDS OF FANGIRLS; AWARDED MEDAL FOR HEROICS

New York, New York - Local citizens were shocked tonight when a giant portal opened up during the red carpet premier of the new movie "Twilight" and unleashed multitudes of human sized, metal, glowing robots upon the moviegoers. As panic swept the theater, the robots proceeded to decimate a large majority of the audience using lasers, chainsaws, and pipe wrenches. The carnage lasted a total of 2 hours. During the aftermath it was revealed that the robots had actually sparred quite a few people from the audience , mainly news reporters, celebrities, and adults. In fact, they had only went after the fangirls in attendance.

"Fangirls" (Scientific Name: Annoyingus Teenacus) is the term used for girls who obsess over a certain thing, such as a movie, actor, or band. Although they are usually harmless, the "Twilight Bunch" have a distinct difference. Known for their black clothes, dyed hair, and habit of launching into discussions of whether Edward or Jacob is more "sexy", they are considered rabid and dangerous.

The robots are set to appear live today in Washington D.C. as they are awarded with Medals of Extreme Heroics. "I can only thank them for their sense of duty and hope that they extend their reign of terror across the country," claimed President Bush. When asked for a comment, the robot leader only replied, "We just got fed up with hearing them talk about how great the book was. It was really fucking annoying."

"Twilight" stars Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson and is currently playing in theaters across the country. Go see it if you want to, but be warned, the robots will probably chainsaw your ass to next week if you do.

Ethan:

Twilight Inc!
I only meant to stay awhile
Twilight Inc!
But now I cannot even smile
Twilight Inc!
It's like I'm immo-bile
Twilight Inc!
The job did not appear hostile
Twilight Inc!
But in truth it is quite vile
Twilight Inc!
Everyone acts juvenile
Twilight Inc!
I think one guy's a pedophile
Twilight Inc!
My best friend there is just a file
Twilight Inc!
Perhaps this seems a bit puerile
Twilight Inc!
And trust me I am not senile
Twilight Inc!
But sex has recently been futile
Twilight Inc!
My body's been unexsertile
Twilight Inc!
My dysfunction is erectile
Twilight Inc!
The job has made infer-tile
Twilight Inc!
I only meant to stay awhile